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Are My Mom and I Wrong for Lying to My Wife about What Was Happening with Our Baby?

My mom and I were taking care of my 11-month-old baby boy, Ashton, while my wife was away at work. Yesterday, my wife called to say she’d be home this morning to see our son. Mom and I froze because we had been keeping a heartbreaking truth about Ashton from her.

Hey everyone! So, my wife had a huge breakdown because my mom and I had been keeping a huge truth about our baby from her. Before I spill the tea, here’s a little backstory…

Luke sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney

Luke sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney

My wife, Julia, and I had our son (now 11 months old) while she was in residency. She took a few weeks off before giving birth and then went back to work a few months after that.

My mom, Marianne, moved in with us shortly after the birth to help out, which allowed me to get in a few hours of work each day. Although it was only a little bit of time, it made a huge difference, since it allowed me to balance my responsibilities a bit better.

But my mom is quite an old-fashioned lady.

A cute little baby yawning | Source: Unsplash

A cute little baby yawning | Source: Unsplash

She really didn’t like this arrangement with me being a stay-at-home dad while Julia went to work. Although my sweet mom didn’t directly tell me anything, I could see how upset she was about this whole setup.

Sometimes, Julia would be away for her medical residency for days at a stretch, and Mom didn’t like it at all.

“Luke, why isn’t Julia here more often? She’s always glued to her work, isn’t she?” she asked one evening, her lips pressed into a thin line.

Luke's mother talking to him | Source: Midjourney

Luke’s mother talking to him | Source: Midjourney

“Mom, she’s in residency. You know how demanding that is,” I replied, trying to keep my tone calm.

“Still, a mother should be with her baby,” Mom murmured, shaking her head.

“She’s doing what’s best for her career and our family. We both agreed on this,” I said, my voice a bit firmer.

Mom sighed, her eyes softening. “I just want what’s best for Ashton.”

Luke staring at his mother | Source: Midjourney

Luke staring at his mother | Source: Midjourney

“Me too, Mom. Me too,” I agreed, sighing. I don’t blame Mom and I respect her opinion. But at the same time, I’m not a husband who’ll tell his wife what to do and I care about my wife’s ambitions.

“You know, when I had you and your sister, I quit my job to take care of you both,” Mom said one day, her voice tinged with nostalgia.

“I know, Mom, but times are different now. Julia’s career is important, too,” I explained, trying to make her understand.

Luke's mother is visibly upset | Source: Midjourney

Luke’s mother is visibly upset | Source: Midjourney

Mom sighed, her eyes clouded with concern. “I’m just worried about Ashton. He needs his mother.”

“Julia and I made this decision together. We knew it would be hard, but it’s temporary,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“Temporary or not, a baby’s first year is crucial,” she muttered.

“Julia’s doing everything she can. We both are,” I said, feeling a knot of anxiety tighten in my chest.

Luke trying to reassure his mother that everything's fine | Source: Midjourney

Luke trying to reassure his mother that everything’s fine | Source: Midjourney

Later that night, Julia called. “I miss you and Ashton so much. How’s he doing?” she asked, her voice tired yet longing.

“He’s doing great, honey. Mom and I are taking good care of him,” I said, glancing at Mom who was rocking Ashton to sleep.

“Thank you, honey. I love you,” Julia whispered.

“I love you too,” I replied, my heart aching for her.

Julia talking to her husband on the phone | Source: Midjourney

Julia talking to her husband on the phone | Source: Midjourney

So, here’s what happened. I used to keep my wife updated on our baby regularly by sending her pics and texts. Sometimes even videos of him playing with his stuffed animals.

But whenever Julia visited on random days, mostly evenings, Ashton would be fast asleep, so she would just watch him silently, give him a gentle kiss, and return to her residency.

A few days and weeks passed like this, with Julia swamped with her clinical rotations while my mom and I were taking care of baby Ashton.

Julia is holding her baby | Source: Midjourney

Julia is holding her baby | Source: Midjourney

However, yesterday, my wife called me, her voice bubbling with excitement. “Luke, honey, my schedule is getting a bit relaxed. I’ll be home every morning to check on Ashton,” she chirped.

I glanced at Mom, who sat on the porch cradling Ashton in her arms. Hanging up the phone, worry crept into my voice. “Mom,” I said, “Julia said she’ll be here every morning to see the baby. I hope she doesn’t get mad if she finds out the truth.”

Mom’s eyes widened for a moment, then a gentle smile flickered across her face. “Don’t worry, dear,” she said reassuringly. “Julia would understand.”

Luke's mother is equally anxious | Source: Midjourney

Luke’s mother is equally anxious | Source: Midjourney

“I hope so too, Mom,” I sighed, the weight of the secret pressing down on me. “Maybe we’ve taken this lie a bit too far, don’t you think?”

Mom’s voice trembled slightly. “Perhaps,” she admitted. “But we did it for her own good, right?”

“I truly hope she understands why we’ve been keeping this from her,” I said, running a hand through my hair in frustration.

Man lost in deep thought | Source: Unsplash

Man lost in deep thought | Source: Unsplash

I was pretty upset the whole night and couldn’t get enough sleep. My already loaded work stress, coupled with the truth Mom and I had been hiding from Julia, kept haunting me.

This morning, Mom walked into my room and told me, “Luke, honey, it’s okay. Julia would certainly find this out one day. Don’t worry… everything will be alright. I’m sure she would understand.”

I simply nodded and asked her what Ashton was doing, and she said he was sleeping in his crib in the nursery.

Luke is extremely worried | Source: Midjourney

Luke is extremely worried | Source: Midjourney

I saw the time on my watch and my heart started racing because Julia would be home any minute. Before I could snap out of my thoughts, I heard her car screech to a halt outside.

“She’s here,” I whispered, feeling a rush of worry.

Mom nodded, trying to keep her composure. “Just stay calm, Luke,” she sighed.

It was my day off today, so I quickly slipped into a casual T-shirt and sat on the bed as Julia entered the bedroom, smiling, although she was a bit stressed out too.

A car outside a house | Source: Midjourney

A car outside a house | Source: Midjourney

Julia walked in, her face lighting up when she saw me. The first thing she did was ask about Ashton.

“Hey, how’s my favorite boys doing?” she asked, dropping her bag and coat.

“We’re good. Ashton just went down for a nap,” I replied, forcing a smile.

“I can’t wait to see him,” she said, heading towards the nursery.

Mom and I stared at each other because we knew what EXACTLY was going to happen now.

Julia returns home that morning | Source: Midjourney

Julia returns home that morning | Source: Midjourney

Just moments later, we heard Julia shriek, “Oh my God, Luke… How could you do this to me??”

Mom and I froze when my furious wife stormed to the bedroom, her eyes filled with anger and hurt.

“How could you keep this from me?” she demanded, her voice shaking.

“Julia, we can explain,” I started, but she cut me off.

“No, I don’t want explanations. I want the truth,” she snapped, her fists clenched.

Julia is extremely shocked | Source: Midjourney

Julia is extremely shocked | Source: Midjourney

Mom stepped forward, her face pale. “We were only trying to protect you, Julia.”

Julia shook her head, disbelief etched across her face. “Protect me? From what?”

I approached Julia but she yanked my hand. It ached my heart to see her cry like this. She then looked at me and yelled:

“HOW COULD YOU HIDE FROM ME THAT OUR BABY HAS STARTED SPEAKING HIS FIRST WORDS AND WALKS SO WELL??”

Julia is confronting Luke and her mother-in-law | Source: Midjourney

Julia is confronting Luke and her mother-in-law | Source: Midjourney

My Mom tried to reason, but Julia cut her off, yelling, “How could you do this to me? Both of you? How could you exclude me from this joy??”

Mom and I were so guilty and hurt. But we had our reasons why we hid this from my wife.

Well, a few weeks ago, our son started babbling words like, “mama,” “dada,” “nana,” and even “love you.” He even started taking his first baby steps, though he’d be wobbly and unbalanced.

It was so heartwarming and cute to watch my baby do this, and I hope dads like me out there can relate to this feeling very well.

Baby Ashton in his crib | Source: Midjourney

Baby Ashton in his crib | Source: Midjourney

“I missed his first words… his first steps. Do you know how that feels?” Julia sobbed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Julia, honey, we didn’t want to burden you with more stress,” I said, my voice breaking. “You’ve been working so hard and…”

“But I needed to know, Luke. I’m his mother,” she cried, her voice filled with despair.

Julia is so upset | Source: Midjourney

Julia is so upset | Source: Midjourney

You see, Mom and I were so happy about baby Ashton’s first steps and speech, but at the same time, we were hurt because if we told Julia about it, she would be so sad and disappointed about missing these milestones.

So, we decided not to send Julia these videos of his progress. But turns out, our decision did not sit down too well with her and I was so guilty.

Luke is terribly guilty | Source: Midjourney

Luke is terribly guilty | Source: Midjourney

Julia was so angry and hurt. She barked at me, “Why didn’t you tell me, Luke? I’m his mother… I have the right to know everything.”

“We thought we were doing the right thing…” Mom intervened again, but the way Julia cut her off spoke volumes of her anger.

“How could you think this was right?” she snapped, her eyes blazing with fury. “You kept me away from my own son’s milestones.”

Julia is almost on the verge of bursting into tears | Source: Midjourney

Julia is almost on the verge of bursting into tears | Source: Midjourney

I could understand her pain and disappointment. I sighed and tried comforting her, saying, “Honey, Mom and I were just trying to keep your disappointment at bay. You’ve been working so hard and we didn’t want to double your stress by making you feel like you were missing out on even more.”

Julia burst into tears and it hurt me to the core to watch her cry like this. The one thing Mom and I feared all these days had taken over my wife – she was so DISAPPOINTED and not ready to forgive us.

Julia is extremely disappointed with Luke and her MIL | Source: Midjourney

Julia is extremely disappointed with Luke and her MIL | Source: Midjourney

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this,” Julia sniffled.

My mom placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Julia, honey, we were just doing what was best for you. We didn’t mean to hide this from you forever. We only had your best interests at heart. Your son loves you… he’s happy and healthy. That’s what matters most.”

But Julia was in emotional chaos. “But I missed his first words and his first steps. Do you know how much that hurts? How could you do this to me being a mother yourself?” she cried.

Julia lashes out at her MIL | Source: Midjourney

Julia lashes out at her MIL | Source: Midjourney

My Mom became numb, sighing deeply. She looked at me and gently nodded her head before leaving the room so I could talk to Julia.

I sat my wife down on the bed and gently squeezed her hands. Then I wiped her tears from her cheeks and said, “Darling, I understand what you’re feeling. I’m so sorry. I was just trying to spare you the pain.”

Julia sniffled, her eyes red and puffy. “I just… I feel like I’ve missed so much already. I can’t bear the thought of missing more.”

Julia vents out to Luke | Source: Midjourney

Julia vents out to Luke | Source: Midjourney

“I promise, from now on, we’ll make sure you’re involved in every moment,” I said, my voice earnest.

Julia looked at me, her eyes filled with hope and doubt. “You really mean that?”

“Absolutely. We love you, and we want you to be part of everything,” I assured her, holding her close.

Julia wiped her tears and looked at me. God, the way she looked at me with those big gleaming eyes is still stuck in my head. I was so guilty.

Luke's mother is trying to comfort Julia | Source: Midjourney

Luke’s mother is trying to comfort Julia | Source: Midjourney

She took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry for blowing up on you and Mom, honey. I understand your intentions. But I’m his mother and I need to be a part of his life… and his milestones. I DON’T want to miss anything again, okay?”

I pulled Julia into a tight hug and gently kissed her forehead, telling her, “I promise, darling. From now on, we’ll share everything. We’ll make sure you’re involved every step of the way in our son’s life, no matter what.”

Julia slowly calms down | Source: Midjourney

Julia slowly calms down | Source: Midjourney

Julia nodded, a fresh wave of tears gushing into her eyes as I led her to the nursery where our baby kept babbling, “Mama! Dada!” That sweet innocent voice touched our hearts, and I admit, even I teared up at this point.

It’s been a wild rollercoaster of a day, but thankfully, the storm has calmed. Julia said she’d be home every morning to spend 2-3 hours with Ashton and ensure she never misses his important moments.

Baby Ashton babbling in his crib | Source: Midjourney

Baby Ashton babbling in his crib | Source: Midjourney

Another relief was that her residency was almost getting over in six months. That was great news because Julia would start her practice soon and balance work with raising our son.

I’m glad we finally found a new balance. And even though there might be unforeseen challenges, we are confident about making sure neither of us is left out from our son’s milestones.

So, internet fam, the jury’s on: What do you think? Are my mom and I wrong for lying to my wife about our baby’s milestones? I’m open to your views, and thanks for your valuable time.

A couple holding hands | Source: Unsplash

A couple holding hands | Source: Unsplash

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